hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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