soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have feelings that need drinking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
