Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
