we have pet lesbian snakes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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