Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
