Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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