Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
