we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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