I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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