I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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