no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
