I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
