I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
