loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
