so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
