I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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