Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
