are you so shy because you have an std?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
