I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
