There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
