He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
