Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
