You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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