Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bit a glass in half.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize