be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
