Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
