I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
