there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
