I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
