Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
