I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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