she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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