my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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