9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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