I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
