I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
