I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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