i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize