They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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