just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
