walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
