lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
