I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
