life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
