I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
