Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your face is a jimmy john
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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