think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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