we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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