he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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