here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
