Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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