you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
