so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
