Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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