Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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