I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
