I should be sponsored by Trojan
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
