Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
