I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
