I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
