How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
