That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
