I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize