handjob tips. give me some.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
