just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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