now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
