Where is the hickey?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
