I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
