your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
