We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
