Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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