At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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