He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
