Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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