I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He did a backflip because drugs
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