You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
