If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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