I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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