the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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