We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
