Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
