First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How does one acquire holy water?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
